I know that in this part of the world, Africans especially the women are expected be respectful and submissive to their spouses. However, with the challenging situations and state of the economy presently in the country and the world at large, so many homes are getting the bad vibes of the situation. Depression and frustration is setting into various homes and families leading to a lot of deadly and ungodly act by men and women, young and old.
How can we still retain our sanity and help each other as couples not to be swallowed up by the moment in our homes and families. We can still be as loving, caring, sexy and best of parents as we wish to be by just choosing to be VULNERABLE.
VULNERABILITY is a way of expressing your weaknesses and fears, feelings, needs respectfully and apologizing where and when necessary.
A vulnerable statement sounds better when delivered with a genuine non-threatening tone of voice.
Scene 1:The husband work seems to be taking greater priority than the needs of his wife
Approach: "Darling (his pet name) sometimes i feel that I' m an unlovable wife, and I'm afraid that you think that I'm lousy. I know that yo have a desire to do well in your work, but I do feel the need for your love and affection, because it gives me security. And sometimes, when you constantly work throughout most evenings, and are not home with me, it makes me feel unloved and uncared for and reinforces those negative thoughts I have about myself, I need you and I want to be with you."
Scene 2: When husband is paying attention to another woman
Approach: "Dear, sometimes I feel that you think other women are more beautiful that I am, and I feel unattractive. I do feel insecure and need your assurance that your eyes are only for me (lol), because sometimes I get the feeling that you are paying attention to this particular (or another) woman, and it feels like a stab in my heart, I know that you get tempted, and I totally understand that. Would you mind if we talked about it honestly?
Example of Husbands making Vulnerable statements to their wives
Scene : The wife seems to not be interested in "participating in the bedroom"
Approach: "Darling, the world is full of temptations and I see beautiful women that are half dressed every time I go to work. Even the billboards are full of ads about sex in some way or another. But, I want to know that I am attractive to you and I want to express my physical love with you and you only. Now, I want to admit that when you said you were too tired, I felt hurt and unloved, because it made me feel that you don't care about my needs, and that you think I am oversexed. Is there something I can do to help you not feel so tired? I want and need for us to be close in every way. (this is best said after the husband has helped in some chores...☺)
Above are just samples of how we can be communicate vulnerably to our spouses by expressing our feelings, needs, concern etc in a way that does not pull down but build each other up.
Wishing you all the best in your relationship....
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