Be Careful Before You Say I Do...

Only few people truly consider sickness and suffering when picking a soulmate. Instead a lot of consideration is made on how the other person might look in the morning or what bad habits they might have or how they will look like in their old age. 

I have a couple of friends who say they consider greatly how their wives will look when old and funny enough some of them go to the extent of checking out their girlfriends mother to have a preview of what future hold for them...(hilarious) The female are not left out of course....

Also on the list is what offspring they could produce or what extended family they might bring to the reunion, and what Genotype is their partner (AA, AS, SS etc). 

Yet few people consider a vital question - can I suffer with this person?  It sounds like the beginning of another marriage joke, but it's not.  It's a real question and one which should be explored by every dating couple.

Suffering is a part of life. The older a person gets, the more we realize that suffering is not a rare occurrence, but is a common aspect of our lives.

It is pertinent to note that sorrow comes in many forms, yet it is guaranteed to come.  WATCH OUT: Not everyone suffers well. Some live in denial and unable to confront the deep realities of life. Some live in despair, unable to recognize the convergence of laughter and tears. Only few have the grace to suffer well. Those who do suffer well are a well-spring of life and faith. 

Sincerely speaking, who do you want holding your hand when the test says "cancer?" 

On whose shoulder do you want to lean when the doctor says, "We've done all we can?"

With whom do you want to lay beside when you don't know where your child is or if they will ever come home?

When your world turns upside down,

in whose eyes do you want to look?

Please consider and find someone who suffers well. I know it doesn't seem important when life is perfect. A beautiful smile is far more attractive than a quiet determination and a common interest is far more appealing than internal strength.

Yet when life falls apart, you want someone you can run to, not someone you want to run from. You want someone who believes in you. You want someone who instills faith, not causes doubt. You want someone who hopes no matter the circumstances.

Life is hard enough; there is no need to make it harder. Choosing a spouse who can not suffer well with one makes life harder. It makes every grief stronger. It makes every sorrow and wound more painful. It makes every hurt deeper. 

Yet, when our spouse knows how to suffer, when they don't live in denial, but confront the sorrows of life, when they don't live in despair but know how to laugh and cry at the same time, when they offer support and hope in all of life's challenges,    when they can see the big picture of life,  then,  every grief is wedded to hope every sorrow is matched with love  and every hurt is paired with healing.

One of the great guarantees of life is that every person, every couple, will suffer one form of challenges or the other. When choosing a mate, choose someone who suffers well and you will never be sorry.

When you have a spouse that suffers well with you, please make sure that he or she also enjoys well during the good times. 

Wishing you all a happy and fulfilled relationship.